So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
