Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
