how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
