dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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