How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
