Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
