I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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