so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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