I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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