I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
