mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Operation Purity has been aborted
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
