I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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