I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
