I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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