Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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