ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
