we have pet lesbian snakes
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
