... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
