I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
