This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
