You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
