i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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