Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
