I like to think it a success when the cops are called
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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