New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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