So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize