I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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