i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
what day is it and did you see me today?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
