HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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