Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
