Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize