he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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