I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
