i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
