he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
