I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i came on her dog
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
