i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
