I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
