his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
