so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
