If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
