three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
