so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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