i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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