why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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