You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
