Screwed.edu
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
