u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
