i don't like sucking hair
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
