remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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