i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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