I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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