Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
