It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This is the high leading the old right now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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