the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
