he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
