actually, I'm a sock model
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
