I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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