speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
