so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
