you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
