You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
