Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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