Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize