I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
