Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
