It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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