I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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