At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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